“Your divorce is final.”
Today is a day I thought I would never have to face. It just
wouldn’t be me. I once looked at friends and acquaintances that were going
through a divorce and think to myself “Why can’t they just work it out?” If you
love someone that is what you do. God hates divorce. You just work it out.
I am here to tell you that there are times when it can’t be
worked out. “Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them
master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight. When we do the
best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life
of another.” (Helen Keller)
That is the devotion on my calendar for November 4, 2013.
November 4th, the day my divorce is final.
God is good. He is here with me and proves this to me. He
speaks to me through the kindness of others and today, through a calendar. The
negative voices in my head the past 7 months telling me that maybe I could have
tried one more thing or read one more book or sought just one more counseling
session have ceased to exist. They have ceased because the negative words
people have spoken to me were replaced with positive words from the mouths of
my loved ones. The public snubbing I have experienced has been replaced with
tears, hugs and words of encouragement from my church family. The doubts in my
head concerning my finances and well-being have been replaced by kind strangers
giving gift cards, money and little notes of encouragement.
Maybe this dream I had didn’t come true. Maybe I am a
failure to an extent. Maybe I hid from the lies for many years out of pride.
But I doubt all of that. Maybe the dream I had has been given a second chance.
Maybe I am not a failure, but a fighter. Maybe I stopped the lies and walked
into the truth.
Only God and I know that. God is good. He is full of grace
and mercy. I will find the path before me full of happiness, second chances,
and forgiveness. I will experience the opinions of others and the judgmental
stares from time to time and I know this. But I have learned one thing this
year and it is this: No matter what others say to me or what the voices in my
head tell me, I am loved; if by no one else other than God. And for me, that
must be enough. It is enough.
P.S. I am thankful to say that the one thing I can be
thankful for during this time is the love my ex-husband and I have shown
towards one another and the grace and forgiveness we have both extended. We
continue to have a relationship that works for us. It is not others
relationship, it may not be understood by some. However, I would rather have
him in my life as my friend than not at all. And I am beyond grateful that this
process was filled with compassion and love instead of anger and bitterness.
Rachel
